What if I Don't Like My Child's Choice of College?

Ick... what a situation to be in. You want one thing for your child, and your child (who is fast becoming an adult) wants something completely different. Only this time it's not just a shirt or a pair of shoes... it's college and not only will say what becomes of their next four years but the rest of their lives!

So what happens when your child chooses a college you don't like/approve of?

Try this checklist of questions before discussing it with your child to try to make him/her change his or her mind.

1. What is it that you don't like about the college? Too far from home? You don't agree with the college's values? Tuition? Not your alma mater?

2. What is it about the college you would rather have him/her attend that makes it better in your eyes?

3. How much do you know about the college that your child has chosen? (Note: "Enough." is not an acceptable answer here.) Have you researched the college at all?

4. Why does it appeal so much to your child? What has drawn him/her in?

5. You were 17 once, so put yourself in your student's shoes for a moment. Why does this college make sense?

6. What are the points about the college you want and the one your child wants that you are disagreeing on?

7. Is this a program issue? (i.e. you want your child to be a doctor but she wants to be a musician, or vice versa... and the college only offers one program or the other?)

8. Make a list of pros and cons about both colleges. Be fair.

9. Is there a compromise school between what you want and your child wants? What makes this school a compromise?

10. What are the components you are looking for in a college? (Setting? Classes offered? Academics? Prestige of professors/alumni?)

If you can take the time, maybe with your student, to discuss these points or at least think through them on your own the discussions you will have with your student may go much better. There is truly something very, very important about "fit" in a college that will directly pertain to how well a student does there. That means if they never get the warm fuzzies about a college their chances of wanting to transfer out are much higher, but if the child feels at home with the school that is going to do wonders for academic performance and persistance.

This is your child's (hopefully) first major adult decision. As someone who worked with unhappy students for a few years trying to help them figure out how to make the school thing work I found the more ownership a student took of his/her education, the better s/he did.